Not a Failure, just a Journey

I gave it a great shot, and have raised 900.00 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, but I must pull out of the Team In Training experience. I just cannot guarantee myself or my husband that I can raise 700.00 more in the next 3 weeks. I'm really kind of upset with myself that I didn't make this goal, but I also have great friends who have reminded me that the past few months of my life have been pretty atypical for my family, in dealing with some major issues! I train, work, raise kids, care for a home, work on extra stuff at the kid's schools and at church........I'm workin' a smidge over my limit right now, so I'm going to cut myself some slack and not allow myself to get beat up over this decision. Race day will still bring 13.1 miles and yes I'll be a bit envious of the purple TNT team all over the place, but I do not have 700.00 laying around anywhere right now.

I have lots of lose ends to tie up with this decision, mainly contacting the folks who have donated to my cause to let them know that even though I won't be with the TNT team they have dontated to a very worthy cause. Leukemia and Lymphoma continue to devastate families around the world and I feel great about the work that I've done to help raise funds for research to end these dreaded diseases. Thank you to all my friends and family who donated to the cause and please pray for John (my inspiration for getting back into TNT) as he keeps fighting for his life and his dreams.

Fundraising and Training

Well, I had a fundraiser last night. 2 people in attendance. I prayed today for some idea what to do about this. I still have 850.00 to raise and I have about 4 days to do it.

I am an optomist people and I will not go down without a fight. I just think my fight started a bit too late. I'm really afraid that 5 days from now I'm going to be typing that I've pulled out. Pulling out is not my style, but I also cannot afford that kind of money to be put on my credit card.....which if you don't know about TNT........that's what happens. If I don't raise the money, I committ to it being charged to me. I just cannot do that to my family. I have to pull out on Friday if the money isn't there.

This brings up how I tell folks that gave me money that I won't be running with the team. I know that they gave to the cause not to me, but the idea is to use the cause to raise the money for needed research to crush Leukemia and Lymphoma while at the same time getting me in the uniform and across the finish line. I'm no dummy, I know that the folks who gave to LLS on my behalf care about me and care about what happens.........so, I will continue to fight during the next 4 days and I will let you know the outcome.

I will run the race regardless of the fundraising outcome. I ran my scheduled 8 miles yesterday instead of over the weekend. It was very cold yesterday morning, and the run got done, it wasn't pretty, but 8 bad miles is better than no miles in my book right now. I'm not competing to win any prizes on the awards stand, this is all about the distance, not the speed! My back has been very sore the past 3 days and I did not work out today because of it. I'm hoping today off will help. It doesn't feel as bad tonight as it did this morning, so we'll see tomorrow.

I've not been very funny or light lately, it's just where I am right now. That is okay to me! I am realizing that who I am becoming is so much better than I've ever been. Holding on to who and what I once was is ridiculous I know, but I've been trying that recently and I've resolved to let that girl go. She was a great girl, but the woman emerging is absolutely fabulous!!! I've been doing a lot of thinking and less talking lately, and I'm getting comfortable with that. I really enjoy who I am and what God is doing in me..........growing pains are sometimes hard and painful, but the end result is amazing if you let the growth happen and don't fight it.

Regardless of the outcome of all these things, I know that I am supported and loved by many. Thank you for all you do for me!

Silence

If there was one thing in my life that I would ask to be delivered from it would be my incessent need to compare things.......prices, codes, objects, things, myself. I so want to not be a comparision to others. I want to present myself how I feel most of the time.....confident and happy. I feel uncomfortable around people who have stronger personalities than mine. I feel the need to talk and talk and talk to make myself feel more comfortable. I am a strong, powerful, courageous woman who loves her life. So, why do I need to make others know that by talking all the time. Just be quiet and listen. That's my goal.........continue to be strong, but not a comparision..........be comfortable in silence.........

Fake Sun on Spring Break

This week is my spring break. Let me tell ya somthin'.........this is no spring break! Spring officially starts on Thursday and it is just cold and rainy. I love living in Northeast Ohio. I love the change of seasons. I actually prefer cooler temperatures over hot, but I don't really like rain. I don't mind running in rain in the summer time. It feels like someone is following you with a sprinkler and keeping you cool. I DO NOT like winter rain. It is just cold baby, cold!

I will overcome though. I'm doing what all those good little teenagers have decided to do in the late winter months when they too are tired of winter rain and cold. They prepare for prom time, they prepare for shorts, they prepare for looking fresh and vacationed in somewhere other than Northeast Ohio.............they go to the tanning bed!

Yes mother I know it's not good to do. Yes, I know that I should not do it. Yes I know all these things, but I will go 3 days a week, about 10-15 mintues at a time..............whoa, look out teenage tanners, I may take up a ton of your appointment time!

It's not my objective to get a fake n bake look, like I would go for about 5 years ago. My objectives are simple..........vitamin A.........sunshine relieves stress and anxiety...........lose the pasty white legs that blind folks at the gym........get a good armpit tan line............smell like summer tanning lotion in March...........sleep for 10 to 15 minutes in the middle of the day!!!!

That's the jest of it.

Yep, my mom will be calling soon..........gotta go!

Sha-bing, Sha-bang, I lost the funk!

If you're into training, you know that sometimes you can get into a funk. I have been in such a funk for the past month or so. I blame it on this crazy weather, and that darn treadmill!

I hate eating right, I hate training, I hate running, I hate that Cleveland Marathon is in May (only 2 months!!!) I HEART sleeping in!

Sometimes a change of scenery works, sometimes a change of pace, or even just eating some junk will work (only for a day, though!)

So on Monday I drove 15 miles from home and parked my "smokin-hot" minivan at a little store, and put that ipod on and just ran. It felt so good to see new things, and to feel cold air on my face. 6 miles out in the country was better than 6 miles at home on a familiar route, with familiar scenery. Sometimes, familiarity works in a funk, but this was not that kind of funk.

Training will always have highs and lows. Life will throw a well planned out schedule into a tail-spin instantaneously...........it's how we react to those changes that either make us stronger, or just put us into a funk. I continue to grow in this area, and I look forward to the day when life alters a plan, and I always chose to react positively and stay the course. I'm not there right now. I've been there in the past, and can get back to that with determination and focus.

For right now, I'm just happy that I know how to get out of a funk even if it's only a temporary reprive!

Recent Pictures

No Power?? No Problem......."I'll take my woobie, the comics, a cup of coffee, a big blanket, and a cute hat and sit by the fire for 2 days!"

No Power??? No Problem, "I'll take my dad's big chair, my baggy sweats, my spidey hat, and my DS and get mush-brain for 2 days!"

No I'm not into blue collar guys, but this guy I could have kissed and would have given him hot coffee if I had power. This is over top of our garage on day 2 of no power. Within 2 hours of this guy wigglin' up this pole, my furnace was runnin' again....ah, thank you dude with the necessary, but condom looking hat on your head!

This picture has nothing to do with the ice storm, but was too cute not to include. Bug's last ballet class for this session was on Monday and she showed mommy and daddy her passion once again.....the girl just loves to dance, and really doesn't care who is looking, 'cause she's gonna do her thing..........love that about her!!

Bug took this picture of me (thus the no head) and my newest running partner.......please meet Sophie Lynn a cute little chocolate Lab who is gonna be a great dog once she stops peein' on my floor and chewin' on my hands!

Ice Storm Cometh

Crazy Ice storm on Tuesday night put our town on its backside for 3 days. No power at our house for 2 days. Lots of travel issues, and of course no school for anyone....yah!

This is a picture looking down our tree lined street. All those trees are pretty in the summer, but in a situation like we had on Tuesday they could have been deadly!

One part of a big tree came down inches from our house. Our bedroom is on the other side of that porch and we could hear branches cracking like fireworks and dangling on the roof of our house.

Front of the house. Pictures do no justice to the amount of debris here.

Lots of Firewood!

Blessed Beyond measure with the protection of God!

We actually enjoyed ourselves in the aftermath of the storm. If Ceito didn't have to bail the sump pump, or get up in the middle of the night to keep the fire going it would have been perfect. No stress about what needs to be done, 'cause it's not getting done, and no one expects it to get done. The fire place is no longer a luxury at our house. I see it as a necessity now! It's big and it can blow some hot air. Thanks to our friends who gave us some wood, since we had run out about a month ago. We have lots now!!!

As I type this I am hearing the weather report regarding the "blizzard like" snow storm we got yesterday, today, and will continue through tomorrow morning. About 2 feet of snow. It's really just crazy, and I CANNOT WAIT to get out in it tomorrow. Love it, Love it, Love it!! I'll take snow over ice anyday kids!!

God Bless you all!

Team In Training Update

Just a quick update regarding my Team In Training efforts.

Training is going well. I've decided to do the 1/2 instead of the full. I really hate training in the winter, and was getting behind in training for the full marathon. Beating myself up about it was not helping, so I took off some stress and decided to go for the 1/2 instead of the full. I'm okay with that decision now. At first I felt like a failure. But there aren't many people who train for or complete even a 5K let alone a 1/2 marathon. So, I'm over it!

Fundrasing is about to heat up again. I really put it on the backburner. But, just got my re-committment forms and must have it all complete in about 3 weeks in order to re-commit to Team In Training. I need $1,000.00 more. Think I can raise a grand in 3 weeks. Stay tuned to find out. I still have yet to send out about 50 more letters (don't know why I waited), so I'm really hoping that it all comes together. If you haven't gotten a letter yet.....look out it's comin'!

God Bless you and thanks for checking in with me.